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WARNING!! These are very rude. I used to think they were quite funny but now I am not so sure ...

Capricorn (22 Dec - 19 Jan)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long, as they take root and become trees.
Aquarius (20 Jan - 18 Feb)
You have an inventive and progressive mind. You lie a great deal. You are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again; you are stupid.
Pisces (19 Feb - 20 Mar)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates as you lack confidence, are dull and generally a coward.
Aries (21 Mar - 19 Apr)
You are the pioneer type with an ego the size of a house and think everyone else in the world is wrong. You are quick tempered, impatient, and give scornful advice. You are a pain in the neck.
Taurus (20 Apr - 20 May)
You are practical and persistent. Most people think you are bull headed, stubborn and dull. You go on and on and drive everyone insane. You are a hard worker, but what kind of quality is that?
Gemini (21 May - 20 Jun)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. Most people like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. Gemini's are notorious for incest.

Cancer (21 Jun - 22 Jul)
You are sympathetic to other people's problems. They think you are a mug. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (23 Jul - 22 Aug)
You consider yourself a born leader, but others think you are just pushy. Leo's are vain and dislike honest criticism; their arrogance is disgusting. Most Leo's are bullies.
Virgo (23 Aug - 22 Sep)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is tedious to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and boring in bed. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (23 Sep - 21 Oct)
You are the creative type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal diseases.
Scorpio (22 Oct - 21 Nov)
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (22 Nov - 21 Dec)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and people laugh at you a great deal.